“Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” – Robert J. Hanlon
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Anonymous
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein
“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” – Will Rogers
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” – Charles Bukowski
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer.” – Anonymous
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison
“By all means, let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” – Richard Dawkins
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.'” – Charlie Brown, Peanuts
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” – W.C. Fields
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” – Steven Wright
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright
“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
“The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.” – Alexandre Dumas-fils
“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” – Will Rogers
“I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.” – Anonymous
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott, The Office
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
“I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.” – Anonymous
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
“I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names.” – Demitri Martin
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
“I’m trying to live every day like it’s my last, but it’s really confusing and I keep winding up at the DMV.” – Anonymous
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
“I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.” – Anonymous
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Anonymous
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” – Anonymous
“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
